Tonight, I went to Bergamot with Emily. In truth, I had been both looking forward to dinner and dreading it, as she is moving to Michigan shortly and I knew that I'd have to face that fact - which I had been conciously avoiding dealing with. You might cry for a day or two or maybe even a month over losing some guy who will ultimately fade to nothing more than a memory, but how do you stop crying over losing somone who has been a huge part of your life since you were 15, someone you went to high school and college with, someone who is the first person you call when you're happy, scared, surprised or sad and someone you can always, always count on... I don't know.
I first met Emily when we were both new sophomores at boarding school. Neither of us had quite found our niche yet, but when we met each other, we finally found true friends. Someone once asked us if we'd always been close, or whether, since we were so close now, we'd revised our history to make it seem that we'd always been that way. "Nope," we replied, "we've always been this way." When I think back on our friendship, which at this point has been going on for over half our lives, I think of... sleepovers in Boxford, mixing vodka and snapple and drinking in her parents' hot tub, PALS, our frequent bowler cards, concerts at great woods... and getting arrested, laying out by the pool, living in the ABCDs together in college, watching days of our lives and 90210, graduating from ramen to fancy restaurants, shopping and nice vacations, crying after breakups, laughing almost all the time..too many memories to write down in one place.
Last week, I was on a business trip and grabbed a trashy novel to read on the plane, Something Borrowed. Basically, it was about two girls who had nominally been "best friends forever", but beneath the surface, there was competition, one upsmanship, jealousy, manipulation, betrayal, distance and a lack of understanding about and appreciation for who the other person was. As shallow as the book was, I found myself actually thinking about different friendships in my life and comparing them to the one in the book. When I thought about Emily, I realized that we have, and always had, a complete absence of any of those negative factors. Now, that's pretty rare. I think that we could hang out forever and never get sick of each other.
Emily says that nothing has to change, that we're family and will be best friends forever. Even though I know that's true, I can't help feeling that I'll probably start crying again the first time I drive by Inman Square and know that she won't be there. I'll miss all the everyday things I know.
Thank you, Emily, for always making my life better and being there for me. I love you more than I have the words to express.
Oh yeah, and Bergamot was really good too with fresh, local ingredients and great flavors. Although we both cried all over our food and I'm a little embarrassed to go back, I should probably wait to give it a true, non-cried-on review.
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